Some abusers target their spouses while treating their children gently. However, when the abuse victims realize that this normalizes the deplorable behavior to the kids and that it is not healthy for anyone, then, they seek ways to escape. What these victims may not realize though is that the ire of the abuser may move to the children during and after a divorce.
Everyone is the hero of their story, and as a result, abusers justify their actions in a myriad of ways. One such common result of a divorce filing or just their victim leaving (or, even, threatening to leave) is allegations of abuse. This means that, if you have not already planned for this, you could find yourself under investigation for child abuse or the subject of a protective order from your spouse, keeping you away.
Child support abuse
We all know that child support is for your children. It keeps the lights on, food on the table and a roof over everyone’s heads. Abusers do not see it this way. They see child support as an abuse against them, and, sometimes, they are angry enough to “cut their nose off to spite their face.” This means they may purposely get fired from high paying careers, take demotions to much less paying jobs or even move to the gig or tip economy to hide their income from the courts.
Of course, if there is already a New York child support order in place when they do this, they will immediately ask for a child support modification to reflect their new status. This is a form of economic abuse against you because it forces you to spend money that you do not have or should not have to on support for your kids, and if you truly do not have it, the lack of financial resources hurts the children as well.
If you also have shared custody, know that this will not be a happy endeavor. You need to report everything to your New York, attorney and keep track of everything. If they are failing to maintain their custody arrangements, track it and report it. If they are taking your child’s things, track it and report it. If you suspect parental alienation, have a mental health provider confirm it and then, track it and report it.